Monthly Archives: December 2016

10Dec/16

Modi vs Rahul

Rahul: I want to become PM
Modi: If you want to become PM then answer my question
Rahul: Ok, ask
Modi: There were 11 bananas kept in front of an elephant but it ate only 10
and left one, why?
Rahul: Maybe it was contented
Modi: No, that one was of plastic.
Rahul:
Modi:Ok, once again, there were 11 bananas but elephant did not eat any, why?
Rahul: Oh, yes. All 11 were of plastic ?
Modi: No, the elephant was of plastic.
Rahul:
Modi: Ok, this time Elephant, banana all were real, and still elephant did not eat any,why?
Rahul: This time elephant may not have been hungry.
Modi: No…the bananas were in the TV
Rahul: ☹
Modi: Now,elephant,bananas were all real and all on TV, but elephant is still not eating, why?
Rahul: I don’t know
Modi: Because they were on different channels!
Rahul:
Modi: Well last time. This time elephant,bananas were real, both on TV and on same channel,still elephant was not eating the bananas, WHY?
Rahul: You yourself answer
Modi: Because TV was not on
Rahul: Mummeeeeee…..

10Dec/16

Satirical rules by profession

Cicero of the Ancient Roman Empire wrote about this situation during his lifetime:

1. The Poor – work & work.
2. The Rich – exploit the poor.
3. The Soldier – protects both.
4. The Taxpayer – pays for all three.
5. The Wanderer – rests for all four.
6. The Drunk – drinks for all five.
7. The Banker – robs all six.
8. The Lawyer – misleads all seven.
9. The Doctor – bills all eight.
10. The Undertaker – buries all nine.
11. The Politician – lives happily on account of all ten.

Written in 43 B.C., but valid even today.

10Dec/16

words and figures don’t match, payment will be declined

Men will be men😜😜😜
😝😝😝😝
Banking rules-

It was five in the evening, the bank was almost closed.

All of a sudden, the Branch Manager received a phone call from a lady.

In a sweet voice she said – sir I urgently need Rs.10,000. I’ll reach your bank in 10 minutes. Could you please wait for me?

Her voice was so captivating that the Branch Manager could not say no.

He instructed his cashier to keep the cash ready. The cashier obeyed his boss with great reluctance .

After a while, a lady with ugliest of face a huge tummy and a very uncommon figure came to the bank, presented a cheque to the BM and asked for the money.

The BM was taken aback, as he was expecting a cute lady.

He immediately told the lady that they had already closed the cash for the day and she should come next day.

The cashier was so furious and he asked the BM, if his intention was not to pay, why he was made to sit late.

BM -I wanted to help her. But its the Universal rule of banking that….
.
.
.

If “words and figures don’t match, payment will be declined”. 😜😜😜

10Dec/16

satire on politicians

👇Read this very interesting☺

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut.
After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you, I’m doing community service this week.

The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a ‘Thank You’ card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a grocer comes in for a haircut, and when he tried to pay his bill, the barber again replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you , I’m doing community service this week.

The grocer was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a ‘Thank You’ card and a bag of fresh vegetables waiting for him at his door.

Then a politician came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.

The politician was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up,
there were a dozen politicians lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

If you don’t forward this, someone will miss a good laugh.

😃😃😂😝😜

10Dec/16

How to Pay Attention

Killer joke:……………………

The Students of MBBS were attending their 1st Biochemistry Class. They all gathered around the Lab table with a Urine sample. The Professor dip His Finger in urine & tasted it in his own mouth.

Then he asked the Students to do the same. The students hesitated for several minutes, but at last every one dipped their finger in urine sample & tasted it….

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them & said: The most important Quality is ‘Observation’.  I dipped my MIDDLE Finger but tasted the INDEX Finger. Today you just Learn, “How to Pay Attention”.

All Students shouted…Sirrrrrrr !!!😂😂😂

10Dec/16

Check Out Your Birth date

Check Out Your Birthdate
👇😭🎂
(note : jisase bat nai karte ho use bhi send karo.)😜
🎂31- Biggest Kamchor👹
🎂30 – Aadarsh Insan😇
🎂29 – Smiling Face Always😊
🎂28 – Happy Go Lucky😃
🎂27 – Intelligent Person😉
🎂26 – Play With Hearts😍
🎂25 – Fun Loving & Caring 😘
🎂24 – Make Others Jealous😏
🎂23 – Always Ready For Party💃
🎂22 – Sabka Baap 👨
🎂21- Helpful😀
🎂20 – Sharif☺
🎂19 – Perfect Person😄
🎂18 – Bazigar 🏇
🎂17 – Yaaro Ka Yaar👬
🎂16 – Maa Ka Ladla👶
🎂15 – Loving ❤💞💝
🎂14 -emotional😑
🎂13 – Hero😎
🎂12 – chanchal👻
🎂11 – true happy lover❤
🎂10 – Cutest👸
🎂9 – Bade Dilwala 💖
🎂8 – Sensitive 💗
🎂7 – Good Person😧
🎂6 – Caring 😊
🎂5 – Smart Insan👏
🎂4 – Studious 😣
🎂3 – Smart & Honesty 😊
🎂2 – Lucky Person👍
🎂1 – Active 😏
WHAT’S YOUR BIRTH DATE

10Dec/16

Child psychologist and Behavioral Management

Rafael Rodrigues
Child psychologist and Behavioral Management🙇 To all parents and even grandparents, as well as teachers, here are some unnbelievably simple parenting ideas that work.👇

1. Children need a minimum of eight touches during a day to feel connected to a parent.

If they’re going through a particularly challenging time, it’s a minimum of 12 a day. This doesn’t have to be a big deal; it could be the straightening of a collar, a pat on the shoulder or a simple hug.

2. Each day, children need one meaningful eye-to-eye conversation with a parent.

It is especially important for babies to have that eye contact, but children of all ages need us to slow down and look them in the eyes.

3. There are nine minutes during the day that have the greatest impact on a child:

the first three minutes right after they wake up
the three minutes after they come home from school
the last three minutes of the day before they go to bed
We need to make those moments special and help our children feel loved.
These are simple, right? Nothing really earth-shattering here.

Try it.
1⃣ Whenever u feel like scolding or beating your child, take a deep breath, or count 1-10 and then act.
2⃣ Let’s ask them to study their favorite subject on their own..
3⃣ Send them to one exam without studying at all..
4⃣ Remember what our kids are learning in 5th std is taught to 7th std abroad..
5⃣ Lets keep our kids out of unwanted competition.
6⃣ 80% of what kids are learning ,won’t be useful to them in future..
7⃣ Our kids can really afford to do whatever they want to do in future .
8⃣ Higher degrees don’t guaranty success and happiness..
9⃣ Not all the highly educated people do well professionally.
And not all who do well professionally are the happiest ones..
🔟 Kids are always in a party mood.. don’t spoil their childhood. Support and let them be what they want to be. 👍😃

Pass this on to as many teachers and parents as u can..
And change the way we look at our kids and their future.👈

10Dec/16

Caution about road side foods

Very imp. Please read…. Dear all
*It’s happened in karnataka-Bangalore. *

A 10 year old boy, had eaten pineapple about 15 days back,and fell sick,from the day he had eaten. Later when he had his health check done*…..,
Doctors diagnosed that he had AIDS. His parents couldn’t believe it…..Then the entire family under went a check up…..none of them suffered from aids. So the doctors checked again with the boy if he had eaten out……The boy said yes. He had pineapple that evening. Immediately a group from the hospital went to the pineapple vendor to check. They found the pineapple seller had a cut healing on his finger. On questioning it transpired that while cutting the pineapple, his blood had spread into the fruit.
*When he had his blood checked the guy was suffering from AIDS……but he himself was not aware. Unfortunately the boy is now suffering from it.
Please take care while U eat on the road side cut fruits*.*. (Particularly tasty VADAPAV &PANIPURI)and pls fwd this mail to your dear one’s*……….
Take care…. Please forward this message to all the person’s you know . As your message may save one’s life.

Dr.Susan jadhav,

CMO , civil Hospital

Mumbai
.*This message is from a group of Doctors in India.
(Forwarded in public interest)*

10Dec/16

Why do we have Brakes in a car

Someone asked,
“Why do we have Brakes in a car”

Many answers were provided like

“to stop”,

“to reduce speed”,

“to avoid collision” etc.

But the Best I found was,

“To allow you to drive faster”

Give it a thought…

It’s True, but seldom appreciated.

It’s because, we have brakes that we can dare to accelerate, dare to go fast and reach destinations we desire.

At various points in life,
We found our parents, teachers, mentors, friends, colleagues and spouse etc. questioning our progress, direction or decision…
But remember, it’s because of them that you are where you are today.

Learn to appreciate the ‘Brakes’ in your life.

10Dec/16

whose brain costs more !

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in and said “I’m afraid I’m the bearer of bad news; the only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain Transplant. It’s an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the Brain yourselves.”

One of the family members asked “how much does a brain cost?”

The doctor quickly responded, “Rs. 50,000 for a male brain, and
Rs. 200 for a Female brain.”

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.

A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, “Why is the male brain so much more?”

The doctor smiled and said “It’s just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the Price of the female brains, because they’ve actually been used…. the male brains are hardly ever used by the owners. So they are as good as new!”

SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT!!!

🍻 Cheers to all the Ladies! 😜😝😛😂

👍👍 Gals rock!! 💃💃